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And blaming the third party when cheating occurs does preserve the vanity of the victim, who can avoid admitting to having chosen a proactive cheater.Īs for GF2's finding out XF2's true nature, even if (and this is an IF of elephantine proportions) she had absolutely no idea of XF2's possible interest in men, she still had clues. Ms Fan - Sure, they probably did become friendly. Lessons not just gay men, but anyone who likes men, learns in their life.
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And gracefully turn down invitations to stay with them during pandemics and/or drink with them while their girlfriends are out of town. You know the truth - both of you.īLAH, you're better off without this guy in your life - and hopefully you can recognise similar red flags if you meet other guys like him in the future. But I don't think either of these guys regretted the sex - they just regret getting caught.) He isn't gaslighting you he isn't misremembering he's making a lame-ass excuse. People of all genders and orientations get themselves drunk to have plausible deniability for initiating sex they know they'll either regret or be shamed for having. (Dan, this isn't just something that happens to gay men. BLAH's closeted ex-friend is in denial not just of his sexuality but of his responsibility for his own cheating. Agree also that he was playing with fire by staying in the home of someone who had openly flirted with him but who he knew was not available. >:-(Īgree that BLAH should apologise to the girlfriend. Just like I occasionally get a boundary-challenged acquaintance sending tax questions to my personal Messenger at 8:30pm on a Saturday night. But unfortunately, being objectified and sexualised is part and parcel of the career he has chosen. It usually turns out badly and they almost never deserve it.Īiden Ward could date other porn performers/sex workers, or he could date asexuals. The main lesson is not to get flirty with straight friends and to shut it down if they initiate. The apology XF2 and GF2 deserve would be along the line of, "I'm sorry I let him seduce me." For the sake of LW's character, he may want to be more gracious. She may or may not be complicit, but, if she isn't, she's willing to reward clearly bad behaviour. There were magazine articles about a low-key version two decades ago - straight-presenting men would get flirtier and flirtier with gay friends until a gay friend finally made a move, letting the poor victimized straight retreat into virtuous modesty, claim that it's impossible to be friends with gays because we're all such predators who don't respect heterosexuality, etc. This is a well-known and heavily choreographed dance, and it's almost never a solo.Īs Mr Savage mentions, this sort of thing has been around for ages. But he's much better off without both of them. He can certainly apologize to her as his hostess whether they were real friends or just friends through XF2. If the couple had simply broken up for reasons of their own, I have no sense that LW2 would have stayed on cordial terms with her. The letter reads more as if GF2 were more or merely a friend-in-law. If LW2 and GF2 were close, then he did violate the friendship.